Been caught by the post-holidays blues lately.
If you have been reading my blogs, you will notice that I am my usual positive self. Well, it is normal to sometimes get caught by the blues bug and lately it is what I am feeling. I guess it is a mixed of all emotions rolled into one that I have not noticed in the past few months.
I lost a great lady in my life. My Lola Lagring. She has stood to be my second mother since my mom got sick. She is one of my pillars of strenght and losing her is one thing I dread the most.
For one, the holidays are never the same. Yes we toured three countries in Southeast Asia and I should be thankful for it, which I am. But when you come back to reality then it starts hitting you up pretty fast. I know grief is something I am at constant struggle at and I guess it is the major reason why I am writting now a very personal blog about how I feel.
Add to that the fact that I no longer feel good working at my current job. I feel that I am at a point of nowhere already. I have already exhausted all that I can from this organization and I am getting ansty about my career. For this I decided to finally push through on seeking greener pastures. This year will be the year for a great career move one that I have been praying will finally propell the kind of career I am aiming at.
Getting bitten by the blues bug drains me out. I think too much, I am restless and I cannot focus. But of course like all things I have already learned from, I know that there is no way but to stay positive no matter what.
For this I would take one of my armors in battling the blues bug, a bottle of PUSSY RED colored nail polish. It perks me up and keeps me positive.
I'll swipe some on my nails this weekend like a warrior swipe some face paint before the war.
January 5, 2011
January 1, 2011
Being Alive
Happy New Year to all who will come across this blog of mine!:)
The year 2010 has been a bittersweet year for me. I have lost a great lady in my life, my Lola, but than again I have received a lot of blessings from the Lord above. My relationship with my family is improving in many ways. Small little ways that matters a lot. My boyfriend and I are taking our relationship to the next level and as much as I want to switch jobs right now, the Lord gave me a different career growth in the form of taking up a master's degree.
In many ways, the year 2010 was a good year like the rest of the years since I adapted a more positive outlook in life. But I felt that this year I have just been breezing in automatic pilot, like I have not been living enough to feel everything. Maybe it is because I am in the state of grief or maybe because I just got used to all the routine of life. I have never felt like, for lack of a better term, a zombie in a while. And this year that will about to change.
I have one ultimate goal for this year and I will be shooting at the starts for it no matter what. When an opportunity comes my way I will go ahead and grab it without any hesitation unlike before. I will take joy in the "mini vacations" that life will present me. I will indulge in my new hobby, one that I have hoped for in years. I will revel in my one big solo travel in June. I will read more books and lessen my time on the internet. I will work harder and party harder and I will open up my senses, my mind and my heart to absorb everything that will make me feel alive.
I will live for this year. The year 2011 will be my year of living!
And I am starting right now.
The year 2010 has been a bittersweet year for me. I have lost a great lady in my life, my Lola, but than again I have received a lot of blessings from the Lord above. My relationship with my family is improving in many ways. Small little ways that matters a lot. My boyfriend and I are taking our relationship to the next level and as much as I want to switch jobs right now, the Lord gave me a different career growth in the form of taking up a master's degree.
In many ways, the year 2010 was a good year like the rest of the years since I adapted a more positive outlook in life. But I felt that this year I have just been breezing in automatic pilot, like I have not been living enough to feel everything. Maybe it is because I am in the state of grief or maybe because I just got used to all the routine of life. I have never felt like, for lack of a better term, a zombie in a while. And this year that will about to change.
I have one ultimate goal for this year and I will be shooting at the starts for it no matter what. When an opportunity comes my way I will go ahead and grab it without any hesitation unlike before. I will take joy in the "mini vacations" that life will present me. I will indulge in my new hobby, one that I have hoped for in years. I will revel in my one big solo travel in June. I will read more books and lessen my time on the internet. I will work harder and party harder and I will open up my senses, my mind and my heart to absorb everything that will make me feel alive.
I will live for this year. The year 2011 will be my year of living!
And I am starting right now.
December 15, 2010
Memories
My "morning ritual" are reserved for my daily exercises in keeping my sanity check. In that period and space, my mind wanders to thoughts that remind me of things. I either think of how my day will go about, what is happening in my life and the part I like the most, memories that comes by.
I was blessed or probably for some, cursed with a very good recollection. It is as if my mind is like a databank wherein piles and piles and piles of information is stored. My earliest recollection dates back to the time that I was almost three years old. With those memories comes the good and the bad as well.
But memories are something that keeps everyone of us feel alive. It may be triggered by a sight or sound or smell in our surrounding. My favorite memory triggers are those that takes me back to that specific experience and feeling as if I am going through it again, sight, sound and smell of everything that left a permanent mark in me.
Those good memories are what keep me going on. When it rains and I smell that faint musky scent it leaves, I am reminded of my curiosity as a child in finding elfs underneath the mushroom plants that suddenly appeared in our lawn. When I hear and see some thunder and lightning, I am reminded of the time that I considered my father an intellect in explaning to me that God is just bowling with his friends in heaven. When I hear Mang Eric call out for taho in our street, I am reminded of the endless summer days of my childhood playing on the streets with my friends. Malate and all the sensory experience it offers reminds me of my angst ridden young adult life and a bowl of piping hot sinigang na bangus sa bayabas would always remind me of my Lola.
Always.
If you may ask, how about the bad memories I have. I decided to put them in a box, sealed them tightly and put at the farthest end of the cupboard, so not even I can ever reach it. I have come to realize that bad memories can be locked away forever if you want too. It is though but very doable.
After all, who needs a bad memory when we can always make beautiful new ones everyday.
I was blessed or probably for some, cursed with a very good recollection. It is as if my mind is like a databank wherein piles and piles and piles of information is stored. My earliest recollection dates back to the time that I was almost three years old. With those memories comes the good and the bad as well.
But memories are something that keeps everyone of us feel alive. It may be triggered by a sight or sound or smell in our surrounding. My favorite memory triggers are those that takes me back to that specific experience and feeling as if I am going through it again, sight, sound and smell of everything that left a permanent mark in me.
Those good memories are what keep me going on. When it rains and I smell that faint musky scent it leaves, I am reminded of my curiosity as a child in finding elfs underneath the mushroom plants that suddenly appeared in our lawn. When I hear and see some thunder and lightning, I am reminded of the time that I considered my father an intellect in explaning to me that God is just bowling with his friends in heaven. When I hear Mang Eric call out for taho in our street, I am reminded of the endless summer days of my childhood playing on the streets with my friends. Malate and all the sensory experience it offers reminds me of my angst ridden young adult life and a bowl of piping hot sinigang na bangus sa bayabas would always remind me of my Lola.
Always.
If you may ask, how about the bad memories I have. I decided to put them in a box, sealed them tightly and put at the farthest end of the cupboard, so not even I can ever reach it. I have come to realize that bad memories can be locked away forever if you want too. It is though but very doable.
After all, who needs a bad memory when we can always make beautiful new ones everyday.
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